I have tried to get this post up for three days now. I’m having a little trouble getting it done the way I want it done, which is what this post is about anyway.
Sometimes I just can’t keep up with myself.
I’m not typically a procrastinator. While I do have my moments, I am not a lazy person. I like to get all my work done so that afterwards I will have time to sit down, rest, and do nothing for a bit.
I just don’t rest well if there is something left unfinished that needs to be done. And mind you, I do like my rest.
It's so hard to figure out why it is that the things I want to get done first almost always end up being the last actually completed.
I realize that to some extent, the more important something is to me, the longer I take to think about it before I actually get busy doing something about it. Then, once I get started, I am more deliberate and attentive and therefore probably slower accomplishing the task.
Why do I do it? I guess the REAL question is, why don’t I do it?
It’s not until the stock market has days like it did earlier this week that I remember I need to move some of my itty bitty 401K funds from stocks to bonds. I need to do that because I’m getting old and all financial advisers say the older you get the less risk you should take. I’ve been needing to do that for months now, regardless of the level of the Dow.
Every time I sit on the toilet in our master bathroom, I get a clearer view of the linoleum from a closer angle and I think to myself, “Gee, that sure could use a good down-on-my-hands-and-knees kind of scrubbing.” I walk on that floor every day. I turn out the light on my way out and don’t look back.
After I unload the just-bought groceries, I begin putting them away and open the refrigerator door. It is about at that point that I remember my ice-maker has been broken for months and I should have bought a bag of ice at the grocery store. I really need to call the repairman. Instead, I just keep making second trips back the store to buy bags of ice.
I have a full time job. On a weekly basis, besides my regular attendance at church worship services, I put together the screen presentation stuff for the Sunday worship service, I go to choir practice, ensemble rehearsal, two Bible studies (one I lead, another one someone else leads. Both have homework), and lunch with my prayer partner. I do a lot of other Nancy-can-you-help-me kind of projects for the church, the chamber of commerce, the arts council, the museum, my not really work related practical joke playing boss, and lots of dearly beloved friends. I wouldn’t trade any of it. Especially the last part.
Oh, and then there’s this blog. Which, most days, is what I want to do first but usually ends up being last.
I don’t say all that to prove how busy I am and justify my neglect of the things I don’t get done. It is really quite the opposite. Even in spite of all that I do, I still have time in every day that could be put to much better use. I am not sitting around doing nothing, but still, time wastes away.
Often I do what calls out to me the loudest or most urgently that day. Loud and urgent are not always right. The quiet, unassuming things get pushed back.
The things I want to do , I don’t. The things I probably should put off until I’ve really thought them through. Well, I end up doing them anyway.
Gracious me. I think Paul’s been reading my mail. I guess it’s a good thing someone is reading it because it’s been piled up on the dining room table largely unopened for a while now. . .
I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:15-20