Friday, February 15, 2008

What do YOU think?

I have to think through everything I do and say. And, I admit, I OVER think everything. It must be very frustrating to have an even slightly indepth conversation with me because I have to pause and formulate my thoughts between phrases and ideas. I know that thinking before you speak is a good idea, but I think AS I speak. I just think I think about it way too much.

And the overthinking spills into other areas of my life. I am not an impulsive shopper. I have to think long and hard about a product before I buy it. If it costs more than $25 there is usually some trauma involved.

It took me over a year to finally make up my mind to buy an iPod. Since it cost more than $25, it was a major purchase in my economy. We had been to Best Buy countless times to look at them. The night I finally gave in, my husband followed me for at least 30 minutes as I circled around and around the iPod counter. Just looking. And thinking.

As it got closer to store closing time, I decided that it was now or never. It was something I wanted. I had the money. It shouldn't be this hard. I would free myself of this stress and just buy the thing. I sought out the salesman who had been periodically sweeping by my orbit. He was very knowledgeable and skilled. A little excitment began to bubble up in me as he unlocked the case where the iPods were stored. He asked me what color I wanted. Color?! Wait a minute, I have to think about that. The bubbles of excitement began to quickly deflate. Not wanting to lose another brain cell over a little MP3 player, I chose the color they had on display. I didn't want to know what the other options were. Then, he began explaining all the accessories I would need. Adapters, docks, speakers, chargers, cases, covers. The bubbles became a soapy slime sickening my stomach. We left the store with the bare minimum and it took me a couple of days to recover before I could actually begin to enjoy my iPod.

I knew I wanted an iPod before I ever went in the store. I had already made up my mind. If I had just boldly stepped up to the counter without any hovering and made my choice I then could have gotten excited about all the possibilities after that. I could have this color, or that, or this arm band, or those speakers, oh, and look at this dock, isn't it cool?!

I spend so much time second guessing and trying to convince myself even after I know what to do that I miss out on all kinds opportunities for joy.

And it happened again today. A relatively new acquaintance called me today to say he was moving away. I've only had contact with him a handful of times but from our first meeting I felt like he was one I was supposed to share Jesus with. I cracked that door a little on that first meeting but I never stepped through it again. On the phone today I had the opportunity but I didn't take it. I thought too much about what to say rather than just spitting it out. I missed my chance. I can only pray that I wasn't this man's last chance to hear about God's love.

Sweet Jesus, please forgive me.

Now, I have to go and think about what music to put on my iPod. Or maybe not.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
Romans 12:3

1 comment:

Lynne said...

Consider your "thinking as you speak" a mark of self-control. I think after I speak, and then beat myself up for not listening to that still, small voice that said, "Don't say that!" So is it better to think and debate and agonize beforehand, or after? Just like we have to "let go" sometimes, sailing into the air trusting those Arms to catch us as we make a decision, we also have to "let go" sometimes, trusting in the work of those Nail-scarred Hands to forgive us. And remember, in college I always said you knew the "secrets of the universe" because you pondered and thought! I would come to you to hear your dose of wisdom!!!! I love you, my friend! I also sent Mom the link to your blog. I told her she'd really enjoy reading it!