I have to think through everything I do and say. And, I admit, I OVER think everything. It must be very frustrating to have an even slightly indepth conversation with me because I have to pause and formulate my thoughts between phrases and ideas. I know that thinking before you speak is a good idea, but I think AS I speak. I just think I think about it way too much.
And the overthinking spills into other areas of my life. I am not an impulsive shopper. I have to think long and hard about a product before I buy it. If it costs more than $25 there is usually some trauma involved.
It took me over a year to finally make up my mind to buy an iPod. Since it cost more than $25, it was a major purchase in my economy. We had been to Best Buy countless times to look at them. The night I finally gave in, my husband followed me for at least 30 minutes as I circled around and around the iPod counter. Just looking. And thinking.
As it got closer to store closing time, I decided that it was now or never. It was something I wanted. I had the money. It shouldn't be this hard. I would free myself of this stress and just buy the thing. I sought out the salesman who had been periodically sweeping by my orbit. He was very knowledgeable and skilled. A little excitment began to bubble up in me as he unlocked the case where the iPods were stored. He asked me what color I wanted. Color?! Wait a minute, I have to think about that. The bubbles of excitement began to quickly deflate. Not wanting to lose another brain cell over a little MP3 player, I chose the color they had on display. I didn't want to know what the other options were. Then, he began explaining all the accessories I would need. Adapters, docks, speakers, chargers, cases, covers. The bubbles became a soapy slime sickening my stomach. We left the store with the bare minimum and it took me a couple of days to recover before I could actually begin to enjoy my iPod.
I knew I wanted an iPod before I ever went in the store. I had already made up my mind. If I had just boldly stepped up to the counter without any hovering and made my choice I then could have gotten excited about all the possibilities after that. I could have this color, or that, or this arm band, or those speakers, oh, and look at this dock, isn't it cool?!
I spend so much time second guessing and trying to convince myself even after I know what to do that I miss out on all kinds opportunities for joy.
And it happened again today. A relatively new acquaintance called me today to say he was moving away. I've only had contact with him a handful of times but from our first meeting I felt like he was one I was supposed to share Jesus with. I cracked that door a little on that first meeting but I never stepped through it again. On the phone today I had the opportunity but I didn't take it. I thought too much about what to say rather than just spitting it out. I missed my chance. I can only pray that I wasn't this man's last chance to hear about God's love.
Sweet Jesus, please forgive me.
Now, I have to go and think about what music to put on my iPod. Or maybe not.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.