Where's Mikey when you need him?

There are a handful of blogs that I read frequently. Unlike this blog, those writers are in the habit of posting almost daily, so reading a fresh post frequently from them is not that difficult. A lot of bloggers who write daily posts take the first week of January to review all their posts from the previous year. They do a year in review and highlight their top ten or something like that. So, I've read a lot of "Best of 2009" blog posts lately.

Funny thing about those "Best of" posts. Not funny ha ha, but rather funny hmmmm. More of them than not included some kind of statement about 2009 being a difficult year. Yes, there was the sagging economoy and all that, but even beyond that it seemed that a lot of people who write there lives' events down in a daily blog found their moods and topics with a lot less funny in them this past year.

Well, me too. I lost my funny somewhere back in 2009. I have been determined to find it again in 2010.

And God is faithful. Even in the little things.

Scott and I went out of town for a couple of days. When we returned, a new sign greeted us:




Here's a close-up for a better idea.

Andrew Zimmern should seriously consider filming an episode of his Bizarre Foods show here.

I never met a tick until I moved here. Every time Scott went to pick up trash on the roadway our church sponsored in the Keep America Beautiful program, he would come home with ticks attached. That always made me moan and groan even though he was the one with the ticks attached.

I never knew you could fry 'em up like funnel cakes. Hmmm.

Oh well, I guess I'd rather eat them than have them eat me.

They shouted, "This is the voice of a god, not of a man." Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died. But the word of God continued to increase and spread. Acts 12: 22-24

This is driving me crazy

Have you ever noticed that many bank parking lots are tricky? Most of them have one-way drives. I’m guessing maybe that’s because of the drive-thru teller windows. It might also have a little something to do with security, although I’m not entirely sure about that. I mean, I don’t really think a robber is going to pay attention to a one-way sign in an attempted fast getaway. However, trying to travel speedily the wrong way down a one-way drive crowded with cars all headed in the opposite direction might prove detrimental to an escape.

Either way, and whatever it is, I’m sure there is a reason for it. If they go to all the trouble to paint arrows on the asphalt and put up directional signs, then there definitely must be a good reason even if I don’t really know what it is.

My office is in a bank building. I don’t work for the bank; we just lease space on the second floor of the building. I’m in and out of our office, and therefore in the parking lot, at least a couple of times a day. We also have a bird’s eye view of the parking lot from our second floor window. And we watch.

The parking lot here has one main entrance from the road. The main entrance is NOT also an exit. It’s a one-way deal. There are other outlets from the other side of the parking lot, but the main entrance from the roadway is a one-way drive. The parking spaces are diagonally aligned in the direction of the one-way traffic flow.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again. A car enters the parking lot from the opposite direction and travels the wrong way up that one-way drive. They are usually customers who want to go inside the bank instead of using the drive-thru teller lanes. For some reason they just don’t want to drive the extra 9/10 of a mile further down the road to get to the appropriate entrance to be in the correct direction for the parking spaces. I’m sure they see the Do Not Enter sign but deliberately choose to disobey. Then, because they are travelling in the opposite direction of the lot plan, they have to do a 3-point turn in order to get their car somewhat in between the white lines of a parking space. And even with the 3-point turn, they never quite make it, which creates problems for other people trying to park adjacently.

Crazy thing is, when they come in that opposite direction, they pass by a section of the parking lot where the spaces are perpendicular to the drive, not diagonal, so no 3-pointer would be required. Which, by the way, is probably exactly why those straight parking spaces are there - - to provide a place to park so you won’t have to go the wrong way up the one-way drive. Of course parking in those spaces would mean you would actually have to walk a few extra steps more to get to the door of the bank.

Yesterday I was standing out on the walkway by those one-way, diagonal parking spaces waiting for my lunch date to pick me up. Sure enough, a woman drives her Buick up the wrong way, does the 3-pointer, and puts it in park even though one tire is still over the white line. She got out and as she walked by me she said with a humpmf, “I know I’m not supposed to come in that way. But I did.” I hadn’t said a word to her. I was just standing there. I had my sunglasses on so she couldn’t even really see my eyes to know if I was looking at her or not. I guess she didn’t see me when she first drove up, then when she realized I was standing there, felt the need to comment.

I’m curious. What are these people thinking before they pass by the Do Not Enter sign?

Maybe, “It’s just little ol’ me. It won’t matter.”

Or, “I’m just one little car in the midst of all these others. No one will notice.”

Or, “Just this once won’t make a difference.”

Or, “If I hurry, no one will notice.”

Or, “Just this once won’t make a difference.”

I am struck and convicted by the fact that I don’t think anyone really seems to be thinking about anyone else but themselves. It’s just me and my way.

We don’t consider beforehand the opposition we might meet from others actually going the right way. We don’t really think about becoming the cause that stops progress. We don’t consider how placing ourselves just over the line becomes an obstacle to the one next to us. No one thinks about what an example they might be setting for some younger person watching. No one wants to think about the guilt they might feel if they get caught. We won’t let ourselves think about any actual consequences for going the wrong way.

No. The thinking is more along the lines of: Even though I know it is wrong, this way is more convenient for me. This way, I won’t have to travel as far. This way, I won’t have to walk as many steps. I’m in a hurry and this way is faster.

But does that kind of thinking really get me anywhere but further down the wrong road?

Oh, that I could always, in every situation, see the right Way.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Welcome to the Hotel California

"...You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave..."

Erin sent me this photo a couple of days ago. Ever since then I've been wracking my brain to come up with a clever post about it. But I got nothing. Nada. Nichts.

It just speaks for itself.


And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation. Hebrews 9:27-28

Flexing my "I" muscles

Yes, "I" always seem to end up in the middle of things where I do not belong. When I force my way in like that, the end result is usually that I end up confusing the real truth for everybody else.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-23

Lower your voice, please

All sopranos, basses, and tenors, please move along.

This sign is in the parking lot of a local grocery store.

The sign on the opposite side of this intersection facing the oncoming traffic just says "STOP" with no vocal part clarification. So, I guess you can go in, but you can't get out without singing. In harmony.

Now, before you go and tell me I'm stoooopid 'cause alto means stop in Spanish, let me assure you that I already know that.

I took a couple of semesters of Spanish is college. I can read it OK and can usually at least figure out a little bit about what I'm reading.

I just don't speak it very often at all. Certainly not nearly as often as I visit this grocery store parking lot.

It just struck me funny, here is our little town where the majority of the general population doesn't understand what you are saying if you don't speak with a southern lowcountry drawl. Much less a foreign language.

Maybe the grocery store is trying to drum up business from the Taco Bell crowd. It is, after all, in the same parking lot. You can even hear the Bell's drive through associate repeating orders on the loud speaker as you walk from your car into the grocery store. Except, I don't think any of them speak spanish.

It also made me think, if alto is the Spanish word for stop, what is the Spanish word for alto (as in, the lower female voice part)?

Which also made me think, if you sing the lower female voice part in a lovely Spanish choir and the choir director wants you to stop singing, does he say, "Alto, alto!"?

If the director were speaking directly to me, he would probably say, "Alto loco."

To which I would say, "adios and hasta la vista, baby."


The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Psalm 19:1-3

Way out there over on the far side

In our small, rural town we have several phone books. One book has listings of phone numbers in neighboring towns A, B, and C. Another one has listings for towns B, C, and D, but not A. And yet another has listings for A, C, and D, but not B. And another... on and on like an unsolvable algebraic equation.

In other words, our town is not large enough to warrant its own phone book. The one book that I use the most often has less than 100 yellow pages. Of those yellow pages, less than one column on one page is dedicated to restaurants.

Not of lot of places to eat out around here.

There used to be a Checkers drive-in (actually, it was just a drive-thru). It went out of business not long before the Sonic opened. The little Checkers building has been empty now for a year or so.

About a month ago we watched them paint the black and white color blocks green on the unoccupied Checkers building. We thought maybe, wishfully thinking, it would become the Krispy Kreme home for hot doughnuts now.

Turns out the new drive-thru restaurant is not a chain, but a locally owned business. We haven't actually eaten any food from there, but from what we can see of the menu, it looks like they serve pizza, and gyros, and other international type food.

And, based on the new signage, I'm fairly certain of their international heritage, so it must be authentic. And perhaps they are from one of those countries where the steering wheels are on the right side of the car and they drive on the left side of the road. Because what used to be the drive-IN is now the Way-Out. Only.

Or, maybe I'm misreading it and Way-Out Only is not a new direction, but a classification of people. You know, those crazy kind of people that are just way out there. When we speak to them we say, "You're not from 'round here, are you?" Yeah, so maybe it is a "This lane now catering to the Way Out crowd" kind of thing. That would be nice.

Scott said that there was indeed a Way Out people group. He cited a Flintstones reference (Ahhh, leave it to him to come up with a handy application for all the useless trivia in his head!). Anyway, it seems that the Way Outs were a musical group whose lineage was not from Bedrock. They were from somewhere else (i.e., another planet) and apparently a bit misunderstood.

Does anyone else remember the Way Outs from the Flintstones?

If you all do remember them, and I don't, then maybe I am the one that's way out there.

Just for fun, here they are:

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. Hebrews 11:13-14

Hey y'all, looky here

Take that corporate marketing campaign and bring it down to the local level. Reaching your local audience is the key to success in selling your product. Bringing those high and lofty plans down to where we, the people in the real world, live sometimes requires scaling down and eliminating some of the extras.

So here you have it:

Does anybody else see the humor in this?

"Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding. Proverbs 9:5-6

Do What?

In case you missed my previous post about how much I love signs that make me think about everything else EXCEPT for the purpose they were intended, I have discovered another one. Yes, again, right here in my little town, on the corner of what is probably the busiest intersection just a mile or so from the interstate.


OK, so, DO NOT…..???? Do not what????

Hmmmm, let me think.

DO NOT:

…let your shrubs be the boss
…waste your money on signs
…pass go or collect $200
…try this at home
…resuscitate
…go gentle into that dark night

A few other things come to mind.

DO NOT:

…murder, commit adultery, steal - Mark 10:19
…covet - Romans 13:9
…judge - Luke 6:37
…be discouraged - Joshua 1:9
…be afraid - Isaiah 44:8

There are sometimes when the best advice is just don’t do it!

"Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.” Exodus 23:2

Oh, My Word...

I subscribe to Dictionary.com Word of the Day. Every day they send out an email featuring a word along with its definition and a couple of quotes in which the word is used. Sometimes it is a word I already know; sometimes it is a word I think I know but after reading the definition realize I do not. At any rate, it is one of those daily emails I enjoy receiving because every now and then I learn something new. However, I do not think I will use many of those words on any kind of regular basis. I mean, why would I describe something as "recherche" if it is exotic or rare? I would just say it was exotic or rare. Still, it's kind of a daily game for me to see if I can find a use for the word during the day. I usually don't, and I've forgotten the word by the time the next day's email shows up.

Scott is equally amused by words. I see it manifested in him as he leads choir rehearsal. In singing, holding out notes while joining the ending of one word with the beginning syllable of the next word can be tricky sometimes. When Scott tries to explain this technique to our choir, he often ends up making up new words. For instance, "was lost" becomes "waaa slohst." 'Waaa' would be the word on the note held out; 'slohst' would be the word on the quick, short note (think of the lyrics of Amazing Grace). After these funny sounding words come out of his mouth, he will then offer some wild explanation about its origin, like, it's an old Yiddish term that means your grandmother smells like a goat.

Scott also finds comedy in words on signs. If a sign is illuminated but a letter is burned out, he will read the word out loud pronouncing it using only the letters that are lit. For example, if the 'M' were burned out, he would read it as "Wal art." Then he will make up a story about all the lovely art they sell over at Wal's place. Clever, he is.

Since I'm in daily contact with the folks at Dictionary.com, and because I sit under the tutelage of such an enlightened and creative minister of music, and since I passed the English 101 exemption test in college, I feel sure my grasp of grammar is secure. Here's my rationalization to prove it...

Dictionary.com defines the word 'ire' as intense anger or wrath. Using the common rules of English grammar, adding an 'i - n - g' to a word often changes a noun to a verb. If you add and 'i - n - g ' to the word 'ire' (and, of course, dropping the silent e --another English grammar sticking point), you get 'iring.' Which, I would assume and conclude, would mean 'angering' or 'making someone really mad.'

So, imagine what I thought when I saw that word on a sign this week.

At least they're honest about their customer service. Or lack thereof.

Now, lest you begin to think of me as a garrulous polyglot , I will cease my spewing. At least until the next Word of the Day shows up in my inbox.

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37